HERE WE GO AGAIN

11/04/2015    Wt: 268.6

Am a bit upset when looking back on archived wt. list only to see I've been in the 260's for a very long time. That is changing.

New Resolutions:  Am cutting back on recreational eating
                               Will stick to my calorie budget
                               Hunger attacks will be handled with veggies

Will blog at least once a week - hopefully more often.

Establishing new habits will bring better living!
For now ~ 

Absolute New Start  -  Renewing Using All Learned Info

June 13, 2015     Wt: 261.8   

Jumping off the Merry-Go-Round

Thought that just like when I gave up smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, always having a pack of cigarettes with me at all times so I wouldn't have to "borrow" one if I absolutely wanted it, that I could have chocolate in the house.  I was wrong.  I start eating from the dark chocolate (healthy for you say the experts) candy bar and don't stop.  If they are putting things in the dark chocolate bars that make you want more, just as in other foods I don't know . . .  but I DO know I need to change MY behavior.  Will start using the WW scale I bought for measuring and count my calories.  Will also record them on "My Fitness Pal" to be sure I am accurate and ALSO to keep track of the health ingredients.  I need to be serious about taking good care of myself and also loving me - even more wrinkled body as I lose this excess weight.  

Am starting to feel this condo is my home.  More than ever before.  I WANT to make it VERY livable for me and having a sitting room upstairs will be a big step in the right direction.  Once I get rid of all the boxes and bags that need going through and decision making on them, this will be my little touch of heaven.  I will be able to make my own decisions about things - have Jen, Wayne and the kids nearby which is wonderful.  Am praying that the Florida house will be sold in a decent amount of time and without trouble.

Am very grateful to be at this juncture in my life - able to help the kids and show my love to them, appreciating who they are and what they do.

Till Next Time ~

New Day - Clean Slate - - Plodding Along

5/11/2015   Wt: 255 (at Rog's)

That scale is 10 pounds lower than mine.    Knowing that I am actually weighing 265 on my scale.

Looked over my weight over the past 20 years and see that once I settle in on a weight for a while - say after losing 15 pounds or so, my body clings to that with all it's might - - - so I end up staying there for quite a while.  It's like the body makes it it's new set point.  This tells me I have to fight hard to get through that leveling off.

Had major back problems after vacuuming the 3 bedrooms and bathrooms.  It finally has eased enough to allow me to be functional as of today.  Guess vacuuming is off the list for me.

Trying to decide on what I ABSOLUTELY want to take to MKE with me - and to get that packed before the end of the month.  Not an easy task.

Till Next Time .....

A   BEAUTIFUL  FOCUSED   DAY

5/7/2015       Wt: 268     

Got estimates for the carpet cleaning and power washing of the patio.  Will not order either of them done right now.  Will see what I can do on my own.  However,  I did some vacuuming today and my back is hurting a lot.  Will try attacking the living room carpet myself - can't make it any worse than it is.  Can always put a rug over it.  The grill is gone and Helene might take the kneeling lady fountain, so the outside will be closer to ready.

Am invited to Rog & Kathy's for Mother's Day and will take the Sijan sculptures over there.  She offered to drive them to MKE.

The stress of getting these last items checked off the "sell" list has had me not be as attentive with my eating choices.  Today has been better.

Till Next Time ......

A New Start - A New Month

5/4/15    Ready to march on forward ~  ~ ~

Seems there is a feeling of being vulnerable when being "smaller" that has a 

negative effect to trying to lose weight.  It doesn't feel "safe" to be small - this is a basic animalistic throwback to caveman days.  Add to that personal experience in feeling helpless when being in a smaller body, and it needs to be worked on to not let it undo a lot of good work that is done toward becoming healthier.

'Till next time .......

PERSONAL BLOOMING ALONG WITH THE FLOWERS

SPRING IS HERE

4/27/2014    WT: 263.8

Seems I have myself on maintenance - and I'm not anywhere near goal weight.  What is this?  Will I be able to change my lifestyle to get the weight loss going again?  Surely need to do that.  Not even aiming for 100% day because that sets me up for reacting negatively.  Am looking forward to getting my energy and ability to move without pain - and know that happens a lot more when I am just another 10 pounds down from where I am at.  Today is the day.  Committed - renewing my resolve.  Have been drinking my water but the eating after 8:00 and/or 3 hrs before bed has not been a starred item.  The other is moving.  I remember Greene saying even before you start the food regulation, to get moving and make that a habit.  Will incorporate those two things for the next week and will report on my success.

3/4/15     Easter Time - A New Re-Birth

Finally made it back.  When I take a break I sure make it a good long one, huh?  Am going to try to be here a little more often.

WT: 262.8   At least I am still in the 60's.  Should have been down to goal weight but will not beat myself up over it.  I respond better to kindness than to shame and guilt.  Am cutting sugar out of my food consumption, a little at a time.  Going cold turkey on quitting smoking didn't work for me - took 6 major tries before me to become a permanent non-smoker.  On Dr. Oz, he  said the same thing about losing weight and getting with a program that works for you... they have found it takes 6 attempts.  THIS has to be that 6th time for me.

Quote:  Today's decisions create tomorrow's reality.

Till next time,

N~

Another  Awareness  Arrives

1/27/2015    Amazing How Growth Continues

DAILY STRESS:  Just realized that the trigger to "eat sweets" for comfort and quieting is because of everyday stress that arrives on a regular basis.  Yesterday found out a long time girlfriend, Sandra Schuetz, that I walked with to high school everyday had died last April.  We went rollerskating to the Palomar Roller Rink every Thursday also.  We were the same age and actually were friends as toddlers because of living across the street from each other up to 6 years old.  Hadn't seen each other often in our adult life, but kept in touch - at least at X-Mas and once other time during the year with a phone call.  Can't believe she's gone.

Another problem yesterday was my iPhone not able to get or send email.  Tried many things that weren't working so of course I was frustrated.  Finally hit on connecting the phone through the cable, to the computer and adding the new password after that.  It took quite a few hours to come to the process that worked.  I ate chocolate but didn't have any ice cream in the house.

Today dealt with a DirecTV bill that was way too high.  Took the entire morning.  Again the "wanting to eat something pleasurable" was/is strong.  Guess knowing this up front should give me an edge to conquering it?

The forever fight to gain control of this body and make sure I stay healthy and active.  Can tell my muscles are losing power and even makes walking any distance difficult.  We lose muscle mass unless we work actively to keep it I guess.

Till Next Time ......

Weight Loss - Personal Growth

1/25/2015    Am grateful for another day of beautiful blue skies and sunshine!  The temp has dropped to 54F but that is better than freezing and I have a working furnace keeping me comfortable.

Found an old email that points out how what happened to me at 7 after Daddy died - where I was an abuse victim and was blamed & punished.  My response was to break my beloved "writch watch" I had received from Hank in the Army in France before he was killed later that year, and started using sweets to self-soothe.   A similar thing happened in 1971 where I was a victim, blamed and started self-soothing to the weight gain I am struggling with today.  Need to spend some time with that to resolve it and move on.

Need to put food and eating as a program in the background - running there for nourishment, while up front get back to living life.  I have come down in weight from the high of 303 to the 260's but have hovered there for the past few years.  Time to aim at 180.  That means 80 pounds to lose and should be accomplished in a year.

Am setting Jan. 27, 2016 as the date I arrive at goal.

Till Next Time ~ ~ ~

N~

Weight Loss - Personal Growth

1/21/2015   Hello Healthy  -  Finding the Right Lifestyle

Marty left yesterday and it is time for me to get back to business.  Am working on how I feel about the way Meg treats me.  It seems she is an irritant - and she actually goes out of her way to irritate me - every time she is in my presence.  Will work on this.  Ex: not looking at me during lunch at the beach including when I was talking to her or she was talking to me.  I called her on it and she accused me of hurting her feelings saying that - to which I replied she was hurting MY feelings by not looking at me.  If we were not in public I'm sure she would have exploded and ran off.  That is her usual behavior.

Had a Dr. Oz 10 shake for breakfast.  Even though I have leftovers from some unhealthy choices of the last few days - think those are not going to be consumed by "Ms Healthy" here.  I like the USANA shakes better.

Am finally finished with the cold that gripped me at Christmas this year.  Am looking forward to starting a walking program to increase muscle strength.  Small amount at first then to work up to a mile.

Will take this day to get myself back in shape to carry on with daily necessities but also to get the house ready for sale?

Till Next Time

A  NEW  DAY

THIS  DAY  IS  GOING  TO  COUNT  SUPREME

1/17/15  Had a good day yesterday until late afternoon.  RoseMary called and invited me to join them at a Chinese restaurant.  I did.  Food was not that good and in coming home I had a muffin from the four she gifted me with.... PLUS as the evening wore on I kept thinking ice cream.  Made a dash to WinnDixie to buy it and had a large bowl.  Am sure my calories for the day were 3,000 plus.  Am using the MFP tracker for calories and weight.

Intend to make this a 100% day.  Tomorrow can be also because there isn't any reason Marty can't eat clean along with me.

Till Later.....

Serious  Work  To  Be  Done  This  Year

1/15/2015   Wt: 265   Going to Make This Day Count

Picking up on Sean Anderson's saying we have to choose for exercise things we enjoy or we will not stay with it.  With food choices I have also learned it has to be tasty to keep us satisfied.  I used to think it was as long as you had hunger pangs at bay the weight loss could be done.  That will happen - by gritting your teeth and white knuckling it... but it probably won't be permanent.

Our ultimate weight losses did not come from dieting alone. They came from change in lifestyle, a change in attitude, and a deeper understanding of the source of our need.  If you tell yourself you are about to enter the land of permanent deprivation, you will feel despondent and even punished.  Without knowing why you do what you do, no regime will stick and you'll likely be back to your old ways soon enough.   Paul Williams

Till next time....

Into the New Year - 2015  Is Here

Affirmation:  Mindful & Honest

1/2/15     Wt. 265    Looks like I haven't made much progress this past year.  2015 is going to be different.  There WILL be progress.  

Am reading the Paul Williams/Tracey book and finding helpful their approach to recovery from addiction and use of Affirmations.  Every bite of food today that passes my lips - will be done mindfully and honestly.  Mindfully as to the fact that I will consider if the food is high in fat or sugar and do I want that for today's consumption?  Honest in so far as not slipping in something "that is good for me" such as nuts, into my oatmeal in the morning - especially after I have just had the 2 Filberts/Brazil Nuts that Dr. Oz says we should have per day to keep us healthy.  These little thoughts that slip in are in need of examining mindfully and honestly.

Till Next Time .......