August 22, 2010 Still Working on Change
One of these days all this working and searching will pay off in permanent success. I guess I get the turtle award. Never giving up.... Looking for answers that will apply. Realize there is no magic - it's all work. New awareness and aha moments keep showing up. In reading Loretta's Journey Blog and her mentioning how as a kid when she was told to "stop crying before I give you something to cry about.... and how the food comfort available was an inappropriate way to handle the stresses of life. I learned to NOT deal with pain - but to avoid it at all costs. WOW and AHO I've done that in trying o avoid physical pain too. At one point DH asked why I always want to "run away" when things got tough. I had no answer, and in fact hadn't noticed I did that until he pointed it out. I would PHYSICALLY take a LONG walk when things got too confrontational and I didn't know how to handle it. Was taught to not stand up for myself - and that only what everyone else wanted was what was important. To keep peace at all costs so I would not be anhilated. I remember someone saying "your just lucky I let you live!" Time to LIVE LIFE and be who I was created to become.
Since the previouse blogs I have stopped counting calories. Have watched what food I was choosing and amounts, but not actually counting and writing down numbers. Have to admit I was surprised to see hoe many calories I was eating over the time period of 7/20-8/14 ! Phew. I thought basically the daily aaverage would come out NEAR 1500 or a little above. What a shock to see it was NO GOOD. Feel I am starting again, watching closely my amounts and choices, but not writing them down. Hope that isn't kidding myself - telling myself stories - excuses. When I get home I will use my food scale and be exact. I will journal daily and get a good exercise routine going. That will be soon.
I am still learning about this blogging - and Jen helped me tremendously to not only be able to FIND my blog but to add the picture of my desert rose at the top. The beautiful flower has lifted my spirit many times.
Sending Love and Light ~