NEVER TOO LATE - Still Working on Change

August 22, 2010     Still Working on Change

One of these days all this working and searching will pay off in permanent success.  I guess I get the turtle award.  Never giving up....  Looking for answers that will apply.  Realize there is no magic - it's all work.  New awareness and aha moments keep showing up.  In reading Loretta's Journey Blog and her mentioning how as a kid when she was told to "stop crying before I give you something to cry about.... and how the food comfort available was an inappropriate way to handle the stresses of life.  I learned to NOT deal with pain - but to avoid it at all costs.  WOW  and AHO  I've done that in trying o avoid physical pain too.  At one point DH asked why I always want to "run away" when things got tough.  I had no answer, and in fact hadn't noticed I did that until he pointed it out.  I would PHYSICALLY take a LONG walk when things got too confrontational and I didn't know how to handle it.  Was taught to not stand up for myself - and that only what everyone else wanted was what was important.  To keep peace at all costs so I would not be anhilated.  I remember someone saying "your just lucky I let you live!"  Time to LIVE LIFE and be who I was created to become.

Since the previouse blogs I have stopped counting calories.  Have watched what food I was choosing and amounts, but not actually counting and writing down numbers.  Have to admit I was surprised to see hoe many calories I was eating over the time period of 7/20-8/14 !  Phew.  I thought basically the daily aaverage would come out NEAR 1500 or a little above.  What a shock to see it was NO GOOD.  Feel I am starting again, watching closely my amounts and choices, but not writing them down.  Hope that isn't kidding myself - telling myself stories - excuses.  When I get home I will use my food scale and be exact.  I will journal daily and get a good exercise routine going.  That will be soon.

I am still learning about this blogging - and Jen helped me tremendously to not only be able to FIND my blog but to add the picture of my desert rose at the top.  The beautiful flower has lifted my spirit many times.

Sending Love and Light ~
Nancy

8/11/2010 Day28 Another Luncheon Meeting

Another Luncheon - Learning to Eat Out

Seems most get togethers with friends involves eating.  Previously I   just threw caution to the wind and would eat with abandon.  That has contibuted to my obesity.  Today, even though it is a restaurant with most food fried, I am determined to find something healthy.  This has to be a new way of living.  I thought I had done that before,  but upon deep analylization, I see I was wallowing in my "normal" size for the first time in my life that I remembered.  I didn't want that to change, but I had done it with a diet - food restriction.  I did learn to enjoy baked or broiled fish. I actually don't like fried fish to this day.  Used to only eat fish breaded and fried covered with tartar sauce.  My weight is 100 pounds higher than when I started on that early form of Weight Watchers.  It was healthy choices even back then, but with "legal" and "illegal" foods, very restrictive.  As Sean Anderson (The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser) says, it's 20% food and exercise and 80% mindset.  Changing our responses to our responses to stress and other learned behavior is the key to keeping the excess weight off.  This has been a lifetime work for me and this time HAS to be successful.

    Will let you know the results of today's outing.  I will choose non-fried food and emphasize the interchange of conversation.

    Am working on a appropo sign off ~

Nancy   

Working on Consistency

8/7/2010     Day 24     Working on Consistency  

Met friends for brunch yesterday and ordered 2 poached eggs w/toast and did well.  Then went to the Chocolae House that has an outlet store and purchased many pounds of wholesale GOOD chocolate.  Well, you know what happened.  That chocolate called to me all the way home and I succumed !  Guess I'd  call it a less than perfect food choice day, but AM proud of getting back aboard the commitment mode today.  It was a little bit of a struggle - had my cheerios with raisins for breakfast, a 2 egg plus egg whites (salsa on the side) and 1/2 orange - - for lunch......  saving calories for a pizza dinner.  I am proud of that orange for dessert, being as that chocolate was calling to me LOUDLY.   I did buy it to be placed in dishes around the house for the birthday party of Mandy, my granddaughter, on the 16th,    

FAST RECOVERY AFTER 2 SLIP UPS

8/5/2010     DAY  22    FAST RECOVERY

A pattern of turning to carbs when super stressed, repeated itself twice in the past week, as it has (since childhood) as a coping mechanism.  I am proud to say after yesterdays fall off the cliff, I got right back with it today!  Woo Hoo.  That's faster than I've ever done.  You may be able to relate if you've committed to lose weight, "fallen off the wagon" and found it took a month or more to get back on track.  I thought the motivation and inspiration of reading Sean Anderson's blog "The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser" had changed that, but obvioualy a deeply imbedded way to handle stomach pains and throat constrictions caused by accumulated or extreme stress, will need more work.  I started with this new commitment on July 15th and have been proud of changing (for the first time) over the past 22 days, some accumulated  learned behaviors .  I intend to use this blog to keep me focused.  I've journaled before for years, which has moved me down the road toward success - but have not reached as yet obviously.  Any suggestions in this direction will be much appreciated.
    Aiming for 1500 calories a day - and here is my list since I started writing cal. down on July 20th.
7/20    1860                                    8/1    2460     Meltdown
7/21    1130                                    8/2    1200
7/22    1530                                    8/3    1270
7/23    1665+   Meltdown               8/4    2380    Meltdown          1525.8823  average
7/24    1680                                    8/5    1090
7/25    1320
7/26    1420
7/27    1680                                    Interesting to see the inconsistency in cal.  The higher days were  hard.
7/28    1230
7/29    1575
7/30    2220    Meltdown
7/31    1310

I am new at this blogging but intend to have this be my journaling from here on out.  It will be my accounting for the food I consume and to report my weight loss/control.  Whenever I recorded calories before, if I had a MELTDOWN, I would throw in the towel and quit recording.  That alone has changed here.  I am being accountable in reporting my calorie consumption..  I am aiming at losing 100 pounds - so here we go ~
One Day At A Time!
Just Nanc