Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

The first holiday of the season is behind us and I have to admit I feel pretty good about my food choices.  Didn't overeat and I don't expect the scale will upset me.

Am reading the book "Overcoming Emotional Overeating" by Geneen Roth and am finding helpful advice there even after all the years of reading Weight books and articles.

Happy Holidays to us all - where we stay in control.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday 10/22/10 Thrown by the scale numbers?

10/22/10    Numbers Still Affecting my Behaviors!

The scale ead 280 this morning and I know I am retaining fluid but obviously some place inside me decided "what the heck" and I bought a carrot cake, figuring I'd have a slice as dessert = = wellll, I ate half the cake!  It is the size of a small loaf pan so it isn't a 3 layer huge 12" round, but    ~  come on.  Guess I can't have dessert in the house when it is more than one serving.  I bought a muffin tin the other day and the ingredients to make healthy portion sized muffins that one of the bloggers wrote about.   Thought that would be a good idea, and now I wonder abot that.

Keep thinking today was a little slip.  Seems the calories added up to 1600 so I wasn't all the way out of the ballpark and I guess that's progress.  I will freeze the other half of the cake after dividing it into 2 servings.  Have to keep in mind I amin control.//// not the food.

Now for a good nights sleep.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Thursday   October 21, 2010   Chosen Weigh In Day  

Down 3 pounds this week, .... Down 11 pounds in 3 months,
since July 20.  Progress not perfection.  Have been trying very hard to choose the correct foods to lose and have changed some automatic reactions to some stress.  Have been staying out of the mainstream a lot though, so don't have a lot of stress from others to deal with.  Reading the blogs has been very helpful too.  Decided to keep food prep simple after copying many recipes and realizing I HAVE many recipes that I've never used because I turn to the regular non sauced specialities.  Once in a while for super flavor might use a sauce, but otherwise will do what comes easily and the way I've cooked all my life.  It's going to be a GREAT day.


Friday, September 24, 2010

Each Day a New Start - ACCOUNTABILITY September 24, 2010 290

9/24/2010   EACH  DAY  COUNTS - 

Starting today I will write here daily and face the reality of where I am in this weight fight.  I was going to say "weight GAME" and correced myself in my thinking immediately that THIS IS NOT A GAME!  My life depends on it.  I am morbidly obese and will change that.
    Didn't weigh today because yesterday when I weighed in I was up 7 pounds from the Thursday before.  Some of that had to be fluid retention but I let it throw me.  I deserved a weight gain but not 7 pounds I thought.  Have to change that "reward--Punishment" thinking.  The scale is just a measuring tool to keep me informed.  Last Thursday I weighed 290.  That hurts me to have to write that.  Phew.  Hard to face.  I had been 283 the Thurs. before.  This is changing right now.  Each day I realize our bodies can weigh different from one day and ALSO one minute to the next the what and why we weigh what we do, but I am behind this weight train.  I am the engineer.  Knowing what works alone doesn't do it, it take ACTION.
Br:  Oaatmeal, raisins, Almond Breeze (milk)
Snack:  3 cris;y bars
Lunch"  2 Turkey Hot Dogs. 1 bread, with mustard, 1/2 Cucumber, 8 oz. G2
Snack:  1/2 Orange
Dinner:  Bowl Homemade chicken soup. 1 slice toast
Snack:  Apple

There you have it.  A new approach to DAY ONE!


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Day 9 - Of Restart Counting Calories

After having a lapse (again) of many days, restarting (again) and today is Day 9

Had a 3 pound loss this past week.  Now to hold that and lose another 2 or 4 !    I am determined, as Sean of "The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser" to do this eating regular food.  My choices have to be supreme and tasty and healthy - and controlled.  Am starting down that road.  Have to remember that it takes time.  Loretas Journey Blog points that out again, using the planting seeds and letting them grow, analogy.  You can't keep digging them up to see how they are doing.  It takes time.
    Went out to lunch today to celebate my niece's birthday and her husband's belated birthday, plus mutual friend coming in to visit for a week.  Had a marvelous time and I think I chose well.  Had the lettuce wrap appetizers, a small piece from my nephew's luncheon plate of "sweet chicken plus veggies"and the small little larger than a shot glass dessert, filled with terimasu.  PERFECT  Everyone had s wonderful time.  I don't eat out often, but when I do I intend to do intelligent choosing, to fit my chosen journey map.
     Will be getting a phone with a camera in it tomorrow..  Will be able to learn how and then add pics to my blogs.  I have a lot to learn about this blogging.
      Another day of good choices and encouraging one another!  Fabulous.

Monday, September 6, 2010


WHAT HAPPENED?  I'm still learning about blogging I guess.  Must have pressed a key without knowing it. 
It IS going to be a happy holiday = quiet for me and happy because my ankly stopped hurting.  Thought the pain was from too much walking around unpacking and putting things back ..... but had some shrimp and now wonder if that set off my gout.  Took the meds I have for that and it cleared.  Will be able to get a lot done today.
    All the advice of the experts keep saying NO MORE EXCUSES and WHAT  IS  THE  REASON YOU ARE FAT?  Well, I didn't think I had excuses going for me - but with this ankle thing, which has had a constant small pain in it until today, makes me wonder.  I know I worry about "getting hurt" and making things so bad I have to sit for a week because of the pain.  Am I using my back, my knee and my ankle as excuses?  Hmmm   Today is another FIRST day of changing my lifestyle.  If I had a nickle for all the FIRST DAYS  - you know the rest.   It's going to be a good day - good Monday - good Holiday.
Bye for now....

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Struggle - STRUGGLE - Struggle

September 4, 2010    Saturday    Struggling Never Ends

Don't know why I should be surprised that every time I think NOW I am on a roll and this will just keep going, that I get sidetracked.  Realize having body pains leads me to "throw in the towel" thinking.  My ankle has been giving me awful pain the last two days and today I found it hard to write down the calories of what I ,am eating.  Dr. Drew Pinsky was on a talk show the other day (repeat show) saying "an addict needs ongoing treatment, just like a diabetic.  Needs to be attended to every day or it goes out of control."   I really thought once the underlying roots of the WHY of the behavior was unearthed the behavior would stop.  All the awareness does is gives you a heads up to make a choice, to stop the behavior.  Maybe someday it will become automatic but I don't know.
       Loretta, another blogger, compared the size of the Cessna Airplane to a Boeing Jet and made the metaphor on how much different it is to get the two planes in the air to how different it is for someone who is morbidly obese. to someone who needs to lose 10 or 20 pounds.  Anyone who has not been morbidly obese can't relate to those of us that are.  Even the experts listing rules and methods needed to lose - only list the surface methods. The food part of the diet is only one portion (10%) of success.  The mental and emotional side of the coin are 80%.  We don't only eat because we are hungry! It's a lifetime struggle.
    Good going to all of us that are struggling.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

NEVER TOO LATE - Still Working on Change

August 22, 2010     Still Working on Change

One of these days all this working and searching will pay off in permanent success.  I guess I get the turtle award.  Never giving up....  Looking for answers that will apply.  Realize there is no magic - it's all work.  New awareness and aha moments keep showing up.  In reading Loretta's Journey Blog and her mentioning how as a kid when she was told to "stop crying before I give you something to cry about.... and how the food comfort available was an inappropriate way to handle the stresses of life.  I learned to NOT deal with pain - but to avoid it at all costs.  WOW  and AHO  I've done that in trying o avoid physical pain too.  At one point DH asked why I always want to "run away" when things got tough.  I had no answer, and in fact hadn't noticed I did that until he pointed it out.  I would PHYSICALLY take a LONG walk when things got too confrontational and I didn't know how to handle it.  Was taught to not stand up for myself - and that only what everyone else wanted was what was important.  To keep peace at all costs so I would not be anhilated.  I remember someone saying "your just lucky I let you live!"  Time to LIVE LIFE and be who I was created to become.

Since the previouse blogs I have stopped counting calories.  Have watched what food I was choosing and amounts, but not actually counting and writing down numbers.  Have to admit I was surprised to see hoe many calories I was eating over the time period of 7/20-8/14 !  Phew.  I thought basically the daily aaverage would come out NEAR 1500 or a little above.  What a shock to see it was NO GOOD.  Feel I am starting again, watching closely my amounts and choices, but not writing them down.  Hope that isn't kidding myself - telling myself stories - excuses.  When I get home I will use my food scale and be exact.  I will journal daily and get a good exercise routine going.  That will be soon.

I am still learning about this blogging - and Jen helped me tremendously to not only be able to FIND my blog but to add the picture of my desert rose at the top.  The beautiful flower has lifted my spirit many times.

Sending Love and Light ~

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

8/11/2010 Day28 Another Luncheon Meeting

Another Luncheon - Learning to Eat Out

Seems most get togethers with friends involves eating.  Previously I   just threw caution to the wind and would eat with abandon.  That has contibuted to my obesity.  Today, even though it is a restaurant with most food fried, I am determined to find something healthy.  This has to be a new way of living.  I thought I had done that before,  but upon deep analylization, I see I was wallowing in my "normal" size for the first time in my life that I remembered.  I didn't want that to change, but I had done it with a diet - food restriction.  I did learn to enjoy baked or broiled fish. I actually don't like fried fish to this day.  Used to only eat fish breaded and fried covered with tartar sauce.  My weight is 100 pounds higher than when I started on that early form of Weight Watchers.  It was healthy choices even back then, but with "legal" and "illegal" foods, very restrictive.  As Sean Anderson (The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser) says, it's 20% food and exercise and 80% mindset.  Changing our responses to our responses to stress and other learned behavior is the key to keeping the excess weight off.  This has been a lifetime work for me and this time HAS to be successful.
    Will let you know the results of today's outing.  I will choose non-fried food and emphasize the interchange of conversation.
    Am working on a appropo sign off ~

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Working on Consistency

8/7/2010     Day 24     Working on Consistency  

Met friends for brunch yesterday and ordered 2 poached eggs w/toast and did well.  Then went to the Chocolae House that has an outlet store and purchased many pounds of wholesale GOOD chocolate.  Well, you know what happened.  That chocolate called to me all the way home and I succumed !  Guess I'd  call it a less than perfect food choice day, but AM proud of getting back aboard the commitment mode today.  It was a little bit of a struggle - had my cheerios with raisins for breakfast, a 2 egg plus egg whites (salsa on the side) and 1/2 orange - - for lunch......  saving calories for a pizza dinner.  I am proud of that orange for dessert, being as that chocolate was calling to me LOUDLY.   I did buy it to be placed in dishes around the house for the birthday party of Mandy, my granddaughter, on the 16th,    

Thursday, August 5, 2010


8/5/2010     DAY  22    FAST RECOVERY

A pattern of turning to carbs when super stressed, repeated itself twice in the past week, as it has (since childhood) as a coping mechanism.  I am proud to say after yesterdays fall off the cliff, I got right back with it today!  Woo Hoo.  That's faster than I've ever done.  You may be able to relate if you've committed to lose weight, "fallen off the wagon" and found it took a month or more to get back on track.  I thought the motivation and inspiration of reading Sean Anderson's blog "The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser" had changed that, but obvioualy a deeply imbedded way to handle stomach pains and throat constrictions caused by accumulated or extreme stress, will need more work.  I started with this new commitment on July 15th and have been proud of changing (for the first time) over the past 22 days, some accumulated  learned behaviors .  I intend to use this blog to keep me focused.  I've journaled before for years, which has moved me down the road toward success - but have not reached as yet obviously.  Any suggestions in this direction will be much appreciated.
    Aiming for 1500 calories a day - and here is my list since I started writing cal. down on July 20th.
7/20    1860                                    8/1    2460     Meltdown
7/21    1130                                    8/2    1200
7/22    1530                                    8/3    1270
7/23    1665+   Meltdown               8/4    2380    Meltdown          1525.8823  average
7/24    1680                                    8/5    1090
7/25    1320
7/26    1420
7/27    1680                                    Interesting to see the inconsistency in cal.  The higher days were  hard.
7/28    1230
7/29    1575
7/30    2220    Meltdown
7/31    1310

I am new at this blogging but intend to have this be my journaling from here on out.  It will be my accounting for the food I consume and to report my weight loss/control.  Whenever I recorded calories before, if I had a MELTDOWN, I would throw in the towel and quit recording.  That alone has changed here.  I am being accountable in reporting my calorie consumption..  I am aiming at losing 100 pounds - so here we go ~
One Day At A Time!
Just Nanc