July 10, 2014 The Struggle Continues
This has been a lifetime struggle so what makes me think I can change things in a short time? I am trying to remember not to get Too Hungry, Too Tired, Too Angry or Too Lonely! Those are disasters to being successful on this journey. Another thing I have to remember is what a friend of mine reminded me I said a while back which was "treat what we are doing as maintenance - because that is what we are really doing." None of this being on a diet that we then go "off" of down the line. That is what I have actually been doing since I was 15 years old. Time to change my method of attacking this overweight to obese problem.
Wt. Quote: "Whose voice do you hear reprimanding you for eating when you are not hungry?" Geneen Roth Breaking Free from Emotional Eating
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
7/9/2014 Discovering Instinctual Responses
After doing much soul searching about the reason for the "drug like NEED" for ice cream, decided it was anger feelings rolling around for 2 days, over being dictated to and manipulated to do something that I sort of feel I should do, but am not included in the decision making. Made a "desperate" run to the store and purchased Edy's Double Churned for 120 cal. per 1/2 cup and also splurged even more - - - buying potato chips because they were on sale for $2.00. Is that stinkin' thinkin' or what? Was satisfied after about 1 cup (didn't measure) of the I.C. but munched quite a few chips. The scale hit 260 this morning and it scared me because I've been in the 50's for a while. My scale will show a different No. if I keep getting on over and over. The one that showed up quite a few times was 256.4 Today is going to be thoughtful choosing of food. Am counting cal. on my FitnessPal and am back in control.
After doing much soul searching about the reason for the "drug like NEED" for ice cream, decided it was anger feelings rolling around for 2 days, over being dictated to and manipulated to do something that I sort of feel I should do, but am not included in the decision making. Made a "desperate" run to the store and purchased Edy's Double Churned for 120 cal. per 1/2 cup and also splurged even more - - - buying potato chips because they were on sale for $2.00. Is that stinkin' thinkin' or what? Was satisfied after about 1 cup (didn't measure) of the I.C. but munched quite a few chips. The scale hit 260 this morning and it scared me because I've been in the 50's for a while. My scale will show a different No. if I keep getting on over and over. The one that showed up quite a few times was 256.4 Today is going to be thoughtful choosing of food. Am counting cal. on my FitnessPal and am back in control.
Monday, May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 Progress Being Made
WT: 264
Am feeling much better than I have in a long time. Now if I could just get many days in a row like this - - - wow. Finally remembered to turn the air cleaner on last night and had a marvelous nights' sleep. That, plus I've been quite busy the last two days getting ready for the trip up north. Have felt good about my progress with that. As far as the 17 Day Plan for eating, I've been fooling around with that a bit - and using the "MyFitnessPal" tracker for my food intake. Yesterday was the first day I show keeping a few cal. below the 1200 cal. I need to lose the weight I need to do. DID have peanut butter & Nutella which I didn't measure - so actually may have gone over. The ingredient high fat could have thrown everything else off too.
Was a bit put off at first when a friend said we should only contact each other once a week instead of daily as it looks like we are partners in cheating instead of helping each other with support to take this weight off. She is right I realize - and am glad she did that. Think I was ventilating more than anything else, which I have a tendency to do and need to stop.
Well, on with the day. Will ck the 17 Day Plan dictate for today. Maybe THAT is what I don't like... Hmmm Anything dictating to me. I am trying to do my weight loss journey this time with not as much rigid control - so I will be able to keep it up long term. Am realizing at this point I don't like to be dictated to obviously, and will do things not exactly as they say. Interesting. Another character observation that could be feeding into my undoing. People like me at first it seems but when I start showing my total self (which I do to everyone and need to pick and choose) - - that's another story.
On with the day - - - - - -
WT: 264
Am feeling much better than I have in a long time. Now if I could just get many days in a row like this - - - wow. Finally remembered to turn the air cleaner on last night and had a marvelous nights' sleep. That, plus I've been quite busy the last two days getting ready for the trip up north. Have felt good about my progress with that. As far as the 17 Day Plan for eating, I've been fooling around with that a bit - and using the "MyFitnessPal" tracker for my food intake. Yesterday was the first day I show keeping a few cal. below the 1200 cal. I need to lose the weight I need to do. DID have peanut butter & Nutella which I didn't measure - so actually may have gone over. The ingredient high fat could have thrown everything else off too.
Was a bit put off at first when a friend said we should only contact each other once a week instead of daily as it looks like we are partners in cheating instead of helping each other with support to take this weight off. She is right I realize - and am glad she did that. Think I was ventilating more than anything else, which I have a tendency to do and need to stop.
Well, on with the day. Will ck the 17 Day Plan dictate for today. Maybe THAT is what I don't like... Hmmm Anything dictating to me. I am trying to do my weight loss journey this time with not as much rigid control - so I will be able to keep it up long term. Am realizing at this point I don't like to be dictated to obviously, and will do things not exactly as they say. Interesting. Another character observation that could be feeding into my undoing. People like me at first it seems but when I start showing my total self (which I do to everyone and need to pick and choose) - - that's another story.
On with the day - - - - - -
Saturday, May 10, 2014
May 10, 2014 Day 13 of 17 Day Plan
Wt: 262.8 Had a good day yesterday with following the plan food choices and didn't take any naps during the day. Went to bed at 9:30PM so of course was up a few times during the night, but still feel rested. Am happy about yesterday not being as hard as the first few days of this Plan. Have been cutting out Pasta, bread, bread products and junk food. Think basically this will have to be how I eat after this. A carb choice now and then perhaps can;t even be in my future. That seems to start me down the road to high numbers and it is painful. Don't need anymore pain in my life, especially if I am at the helm doing the choosing.
Expect to have another good day today. Have 5 days to go to be at the end of the first 17 days of the plan. I would like the scale to read 10 pounds down, but we'll see how it goes. I will be satisfied being in the 50's.
Realized yesterday my choice of going to DeMarini's in 1971 and then telling L about it had to be as hurtful to him as his shenanigans with the union was to me. Don't think the 1976 Marriage Encounter ever healed that portion of us as we never dealt with it.
I have to be careful to not overload my problems on friends as I can see that is no good. Penny let me know, VERY NICELY, that we should contact each other only once a week to report at least until I get to WI. She is a great teacher. It woke me up. Will work on improving on that. I talk too much and have to try to change that. Not TRY - - - I WILL change that.
Strength Dear Lord - give me Strength!
Wt: 262.8 Had a good day yesterday with following the plan food choices and didn't take any naps during the day. Went to bed at 9:30PM so of course was up a few times during the night, but still feel rested. Am happy about yesterday not being as hard as the first few days of this Plan. Have been cutting out Pasta, bread, bread products and junk food. Think basically this will have to be how I eat after this. A carb choice now and then perhaps can;t even be in my future. That seems to start me down the road to high numbers and it is painful. Don't need anymore pain in my life, especially if I am at the helm doing the choosing.
Expect to have another good day today. Have 5 days to go to be at the end of the first 17 days of the plan. I would like the scale to read 10 pounds down, but we'll see how it goes. I will be satisfied being in the 50's.
Realized yesterday my choice of going to DeMarini's in 1971 and then telling L about it had to be as hurtful to him as his shenanigans with the union was to me. Don't think the 1976 Marriage Encounter ever healed that portion of us as we never dealt with it.
I have to be careful to not overload my problems on friends as I can see that is no good. Penny let me know, VERY NICELY, that we should contact each other only once a week to report at least until I get to WI. She is a great teacher. It woke me up. Will work on improving on that. I talk too much and have to try to change that. Not TRY - - - I WILL change that.
Strength Dear Lord - give me Strength!
Friday, May 9, 2014
5/9/2014 IMPROVEMENT BUT NOT PERFECT
Wt: 265.0
Had new idea to ask Rosemary if she would be willing to drive with me to MKE and she is!!! The date is earlier than I had originally planned and That created all kinds of inner stress of course and I obviously hit what sweets were available by evening time. Had been reasonable all day but in the evening had 3 EXTRA Weight Watcher ice cream bars and MUCH peanut butter and Nutello! Have To be able to handle this stress and I will!
Also had a new AHA this morning that in 1971 when I gained all this weight back originally - was not only the stress of Irene dying, Larry and the Union shenanigans but having the DeMarini fiasco. I had a hard time believing I could not trust myself. My incident was if not exactly a good match for Larry's. I came to know I COULD trust myself but evidently not at a deep level. That could be what is a BIG root to my weight problem. 1971 also saw me selling Diet Control and went into that depression just laying on the couch most of the day. Took until 1979 for my leg to give out which was really the disc giving out in my back and needing back surgery. 1970-1980 was a hard decade for me. People talk about a hard year - Geesh!!! How about a CATASTROPHIC DECADE. Guess I need to work on those years and see what else I can root out. Enough for today.
Stay Strong Nanci
Wt: 265.0
Had new idea to ask Rosemary if she would be willing to drive with me to MKE and she is!!! The date is earlier than I had originally planned and That created all kinds of inner stress of course and I obviously hit what sweets were available by evening time. Had been reasonable all day but in the evening had 3 EXTRA Weight Watcher ice cream bars and MUCH peanut butter and Nutello! Have To be able to handle this stress and I will!
Also had a new AHA this morning that in 1971 when I gained all this weight back originally - was not only the stress of Irene dying, Larry and the Union shenanigans but having the DeMarini fiasco. I had a hard time believing I could not trust myself. My incident was if not exactly a good match for Larry's. I came to know I COULD trust myself but evidently not at a deep level. That could be what is a BIG root to my weight problem. 1971 also saw me selling Diet Control and went into that depression just laying on the couch most of the day. Took until 1979 for my leg to give out which was really the disc giving out in my back and needing back surgery. 1970-1980 was a hard decade for me. People talk about a hard year - Geesh!!! How about a CATASTROPHIC DECADE. Guess I need to work on those years and see what else I can root out. Enough for today.
Stay Strong Nanci
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
May 7, 2014 9:00 A.M. Wt: 265.2
Greatest Gift - Commitment!
The greatest gift we can give ourselves is a strong commitment! I need to put that on my Mirror to see each morning and re-commit that THAT particular day is going to get me to where I am headed. My ideal goal would be 170. That may mean I will need to go to 160 because of the way my wt. fluctuates. I think I am on the right path, even though I am not following the 17 Day Plan EXACTLY. Perhaps that has been a major flaw.... wanting to follow the rules EXACTLY and when not doing that, throwing in the towel. Perhaps a complete "throw in" or maybe a little at a time, until I am headed for 300 pounds. It is scary. I know if I get this excess wt. off I will be MUCH more functional and feel better all the way around. It is not a matter of choosing unhealthy (sugar and high/bad fat) over healthy food. I know I can do SO much more in my daily life than I am able to do at present. Have been making good decisions but have let some of the bigger ones throw me. That has nothing to do with weight. I need to stand up to what I can do. Looks like I may be going to MKE for June, July, August and Sept and get the house on the market next season. I will be working primarily in the next month toward closing the house down with some packing toward the sale/move. Need to figure out the $ cost of keeping both places for another year. I know I can do it but would it be wise to go that route. Probably. I cannot buy a place like I have here for the dollars I will get for it. Having this for me during the cold months with the MKE condo for the summer is ideal. Time to get into my day.
Think the AHA at this point today was realizing how the "Staff Sergeant" approach, attitude may be what has been my undoing so far with my weight. Every time I have come down to goal, it has been all or nothing. This time I am taking it a little softer, having more patience with how I stumble. Hmm
Greatest Gift - Commitment!
The greatest gift we can give ourselves is a strong commitment! I need to put that on my Mirror to see each morning and re-commit that THAT particular day is going to get me to where I am headed. My ideal goal would be 170. That may mean I will need to go to 160 because of the way my wt. fluctuates. I think I am on the right path, even though I am not following the 17 Day Plan EXACTLY. Perhaps that has been a major flaw.... wanting to follow the rules EXACTLY and when not doing that, throwing in the towel. Perhaps a complete "throw in" or maybe a little at a time, until I am headed for 300 pounds. It is scary. I know if I get this excess wt. off I will be MUCH more functional and feel better all the way around. It is not a matter of choosing unhealthy (sugar and high/bad fat) over healthy food. I know I can do SO much more in my daily life than I am able to do at present. Have been making good decisions but have let some of the bigger ones throw me. That has nothing to do with weight. I need to stand up to what I can do. Looks like I may be going to MKE for June, July, August and Sept and get the house on the market next season. I will be working primarily in the next month toward closing the house down with some packing toward the sale/move. Need to figure out the $ cost of keeping both places for another year. I know I can do it but would it be wise to go that route. Probably. I cannot buy a place like I have here for the dollars I will get for it. Having this for me during the cold months with the MKE condo for the summer is ideal. Time to get into my day.
Think the AHA at this point today was realizing how the "Staff Sergeant" approach, attitude may be what has been my undoing so far with my weight. Every time I have come down to goal, it has been all or nothing. This time I am taking it a little softer, having more patience with how I stumble. Hmm
Monday, May 5, 2014
May 7, 2014 Moving along on the Journey
It's a never ending LEARNING EXPERIENCE and must live the journey. Am not putting an end date on it because this will have to carry me through. No more losing weight only to gain it again. Have fallen and CAN get up. Each of these days that are less than perfect I will no longer call failures - as they are learning experiences. I am sure a slow learner. Have to fact the fact that I have trouble with portion control.On some days my skin feels like it's burning as I wake up. Wonder if that is the nerves reacting because of all the gains and losses? My poor skin (which is the largest organ of the body) has been put through the mill over the years. Need to take special care of it - that's for sure.
Looking ahead to a great day. I am choosing Diet Control plan over the 17 Day Plan. If I leave out all the "junk food" binging or even just normal consuming in the evening, I should drop pounds. Limiting carbs and getting as close as possible to eliminating sugar is the answer.
Strength!
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